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By late afternoon on Sunday Ben worried he’d pushed Dean too far, he hadn’t heard anything from him. He, himself, was having a hard time processing exactly what happened before dinner the night before. He thought about how Dean had stalked him the second he was in the door, sure Dean liked him, too. They had some excellent chemistry, he’d never come so hard with so little stimulation before.
Remembering the night before flooded his manhood in a rush. He remembered the feeling of Dean’s cock in his mouth, cumming in flushes, swallowing it down. He couldn’t explain it, but the thought of having Dean cum inside his mouth, having Dean’s cum in his stomach, had him nearly ready to burst again. He refrained from touching himself, tried to busy himself with other tasks, but he couldn’t get the idea out of his head.
Needless to say, he didn’t get much done on Sunday. At exactly ten pm, just as he was sliding between his sheets to read a little before he turned out the lights, he received a strange text from Dean. Just the sight of the notification had his heart in his throat. It wasn’t his normal message window, it was something else in his message box. It said ‘Dean and Ben incognito’. It didn’t say anything on his screen until he clicked into the actual message log.
Hey? That was all Dean was gonna say to him? He’d spent half the day agonizing over if Dean thought he was a disgusting pervert, and the other half fantasizing that Dean liked last night as much as he had.
‘What’s an incognito?’ he sent.
‘A secure message that’s encrypted,’ Dean sent back. A second later another text popped up. ‘Disappears after six hours.’
Oh. He understood. These messages would be private, and unsaved. He could say things he wanted without worrying. ‘Neat. So, about last night. I wanted to make sure you were okay.’
Dean typed out for over a minute, and Ben watched with his breath held. ‘You’re worried about me? I was out of control. I wanted to apologize.’
His fingers flew of their own accord. He’d never texted so fast before. ‘You were amazing. Please, don’t apologize.’ Send. ‘It was fucking hot.’ Send. ‘Amazing.’ Send. ‘Mind blowingly good.’ Send.
Dean must have been typing at the same time, because his text landed in the middle of the machine gun fire of Ben’s texts. ‘I shouldn’t have pushed you that far. I’m not usually like that.’
‘Dean, last night was freaking fantastic. I wanna do it again.’
There was a pause that went on too long, it had him dancing with anxiety. ‘You’re killing me, DeLuca’, was Dean’s eventual response. He should’ve been expecting it.
Forget texting, this wasn’t working. He called Dean. It rang three, four times, and Ben was worried he’d be sent to voicemail, but Dean picked up at the last second. “Ben,” he whined as he answered the phone. “I didn’t-“
“Dean, shut up,” Ben demanded.
Dean shut up, which actually surprised him. “Oh. Okay. So, I wanna, um… What’re you doing right now?” He couldn’t just jump in, it was too embarrassing.
“Getting ready for work tomorrow. What’re you doing?”
“I was in bed, reading.”
“You’re going to bed already? Are you a kid?”
Ben sniffed out a small laugh. “I usually read for an hour or so in bed before I actually go to sleep. Besides, I need a full night’s sleep or I’m worthless the next day.”
“Yeah,” Dean agreed. A moment of awkward silence sat between them.
“So,” he began at the same time that Dean said “Hey, Ben.” They both stopped, then he chuckled. “You first.”
Dean cleared his throat. “Ben, I, about last night, I, um, I’m not, I mean, with the, ah…”
“Dean, please. Stop worrying. I really did enjoy it. A lot.”
Dean didn’t sound convinced. “For real?” He could hear Dean’s eyebrows rise up at the end.
“How? How did you like it? The last time I, I mean, I’m not, but one time, I, ah, had this boyfriend, and, uh…” Dean trailed off. Ben waited for him to continue, and he did, but he sounded breathy, as if he was running or something. Or having a mild panic attack. “I was dating this guy, Mike, and we’d been dating for a while. He did something, I thought, I mean, sorta submissive, and it was… it made me want to be mean to him, mean like I was last night. I told him about it and he laughed it off. He broke up with me the following week, told our mutual friends that I was… I’m a freak, Ben. I’m messed up.”
“Did you do stuff like last night with him?” Ben asked, jealousy blooming in his belly.
“What?! Of course not! I just told him what I wanted to do. He told our friends I was a sex freak. I already said it, Ben, but I’m messed up,” Dean said, his voice strained.
The pain in Dean’s voice turned his jealousy at the faceless Mike to anger. “Dean, you’re not a sex freak, whatever the hell that even means. And, honestly? It’s his loss. You’re not messed up.”
“I am, I shouldn’t wanna do shit like that, shouldn’t get off on it, you know? Like, I’m already gay, and I’m a freak on top of being gay. A double whammy.”
“That’s canlı bahis bullshit, right there. You’re not a freak. I really liked it.” His throat grew tight. “Like, really, really. I’ve never, ah, didn’t think I would.” He shook his head, then started again. “I really liked that you liked it, too.”
“You were just, it was the heat of the moment, Ben,” Dean tried to explain away.
He snorted. “Rubbish. I’ve never really been into anything extreme before, but the first time you were mean to me made me hard as steel. I liked it, Dean. I don’t know why. The shame, the power you have over me, it’s super hot.”
“I made you crawl on the floor naked, Ben.”
He moaned, closing his eyes and remembering it. “Mmm. You did.”
“I forced you to swallow my cum.”
“Keep talking dirty to me. I didn’t know you were into phone sex, but I’m down.” Ben said, only half teasing.
Dean groaned. “Ben, this is serious, yea?”
“So is the boner you just gave me, Dean. If you’re messed up, then so am I. If you’re a sex freak, then so am I. I liked it. No, I didn’t just like it. I wanna do it again. I want you to do more things to me. I’m the freak, Dean. I really, really wanna do more freaky things with you.”
“You’re killing me,” Dean whined.
“Was it bad? Was I no good?” he asked, suddenly worried he’d messed up and that’s why Dean was upset.
“God, no, Ben! It was fucking hot as hell. You’re, the way you react to me, it’s perfect. Too perfect. That’s the problem.”
“Not how I see it,” he said. He turned the light off and lay back in bed, passively running the heel of his hand over his erection. “There’s no problem if you like it and I like it, too.”
“Ben, it’s messed up! I shouldn’t have gone so far, but you push my buttons like no one I’ve ever met.” Dean sounded frustrated. “When I’m with you I can’t control it, and that’s why it’s messed up.”
“Don’t control it,” Ben sighed. “It’s not messed up. We have good chemistry, Dean. It seems like we may share complimentary kinks.”
“I don’t have any kinks,” Dean snapped. Ben thought he could hear a bit of fear under the instant denial.
He decided to try a different tactic. “Sure, but what we did last night, it hit my kinks perfectly. Thank you for humoring me.”
“Dammit, DeLuca, I wasn’t humoring you! I was shaming you!”
“Mmm,” he moaned. “Shame me some more. You know you like it.”
“Ben!” Dean sighed. “You shouldn’t like it, yea?”
“I like it Dean. You do too, or at least I think you do. I wanna be clear with you, because I feel like I’m not saying it right. I really liked it. A lot. I’m your bitch, Dean, and you need to punish me, discipline me when I misbehave. You need to train me to be exactly the bitch you want me to be,” he said. His cock throbbed in agreement.
Dean struggled internally, he could practically hear it over the line. “You really liked it?”
Ben laughed, and he was surprised at how husky it sounded. “God yes, Dean. I loved it.”
“Tell me what you liked,” Dean asked, and Ben thought he could hear just a little of the commanding voice beneath his nervousness.
“All of it, Dean,” he insisted. “I liked how you pushed me up against the door and teased me but didn’t touch me. How you made me undress and crawl after you. How you let me please you and enjoy the treat you saved for me.” His throat tightened as he spoke, and he was whispering now. “How you made me cum even though I wasn’t supposed to, then made me clean it off you.”
Dean didn’t say anything. “Dean?”
“Ben,” Dean moaned. “You, please don’t lie to me. You really liked it? You’re not just, I dunno, yea?”
“What would I be doing? Of course I liked it. Why would I lie?”
“I dunno,” Dean admitted. “Just, you’re too good to be true.”
“Did you like it, Dean?”
“What did you like about last night?” Ben asked.
Dean was quiet and he almost said something. Just before he could think of what to say, Dean spoke. “You mess me up, DeLuca.”
“In a good way, or a bad way?”
“Both. In both ways.”
“I’m sorry,” Ben apologized. “I wanted to please you. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”
“You didn’t!” he exclaimed. “You didn’t. I, it had to have made you uncomfortable, didn’t it?”
He snorted. “Dean, tell me what you liked about last night.” Dean whined, and it made him smile. It finally felt like he was making some headway. “It’s okay, Dean. Please? I wanna know. If there’s something you didn’t like, tell me and I’ll make sure not to do it again.”
“There was nothing,” Dean whispered. “You go with the flow, you do everything I say without hesitation, you don’t complain or balk.”
He realized what the problem was. “You think it wasn’t consensual?”
“You didn’t stop me,” Dean said, sounding fragile.
“I didn’t want you to stop,” he replied. “We need a way for you to check if it’s still consensual without ruining the mood.”
“A safeword,” Dean whispered.
“What’s that?” Ben asked, the word sounding familiar.
“Something bahis siteleri you say, if you aren’t feeling it. Or me, either of us. Like, a brake pedal.” Dean sounded nervous.
“Yeah, that sounds good. You just say something, like you say ‘safeword’?”
“No, you pick a word to be your safeword. I read about using red, yellow, and green. Like, if I push you too far you would tell me ‘red’, and if it was something where you were uncomfortable but not ready to stop you’d say yellow, and green means go,” Dean explained quickly, as if he’d been working this out well before the call.
“Why can’t I just say stop?” Ben asked, thinking about when he’d use each of the signals.
“Do you always mean stop when you say stop?” Dean asked. “I…”
“What?” Ben encouraged.
“I…” Dean sighed. “Nevermind.”
“Not nevermind,” Ben demanded. “Tell me what you were going to say.”
“Ben,” Dean whined.
“Dean,” Ben insisted. “Listen. I want to know. Please? Pretty please?”
“I’m killing you. Yeah, yeah, I know. Stop stalling, Dean. Tell me your fantasies.”
Dean whimpered. It was adorable. A few silent seconds passed between them before Dean realized that he was waiting for him. “I…” He sighed heavily. “I like the idea of punishing you after you tell me to stop. Like, you say stop, but you don’t mean it. Like, you really want more, but… I’m sorry. It’s fucked up. It doesn’t make sense. Forget about it.”
“No, I’m not gonna forget about it. I understand. Like, when you say no, but you mean yes. I get it.” He nodded, the finer intricacies of Dean falling into place in his head. “Okay. Red, yellow, green. I like it. I mean, if you still wanted to do stuff like that with me.”
Another few seconds of silence, broken by Dean’s heavy breathing. “Green,” Dean whispered.
He smiled. “So, Dean, tell me what you liked about last night.”
Dean hesitated, then spoke quickly. “Your mouth around my cock, looking up at me like you do. I don’t usually come that fast, but you pulled it out of me.”
“I’ve never thought about blowing a guy before, but it’s insanely hot when I do you,” Ben agreed.
“You’re straight,” Dean complained.
“Oh? I didn’t know straight guys liked sucking the hot, creamy cum from another guy’s dick…”
“They don’t,” Dean insisted, making the sexiest little noises.
“I liked it, Dean,” Ben said. “I liked it a lot. The thought of your cum inside me, of having you inside me, of having you defile me like you did… Mmm. I’m hard again, Dean, just remembering it.”
“What?” Ben encouraged. “You can tell me anything, Dean.”
“I wanna cover you… in my, ah…”
“In what?” he asked, holding his breath to hear Dean’s answer.
“I wanna cum all over you,” Dean whispered. “I wanna cum in your mouth and make you swallow it. I wanna…”
“I want that, too,” Ben agreed. “I wanna feel your hot cum over every inch of my body, Dean.”
Dean moaned. “You’re killing me, yea?”
Ben smiled. “I wanna know what it feels like to have you inside me, and I never thought I would want to stick anything in there, much less your long, sexy cock.”
“You think my cock is sexy?” Dean asked, sounding breathy.
“So sexy,” Ben agreed. He forced his hands to his sides, then swallowed hard as he prepared himself to ask a question. “Dean?”
“I wanna touch myself.”
“Are you hard? Just from talking to me?” Dean asked, sounding uncertain.
“So hard,” Ben agreed. “May I touch myself while I talk to you? While I think about your long, sexy cock?”
Dean moaned. “You wanna have phone sex?”
“Fuck yeah, I wanna have phone sex,” he moaned.
“No, you may not touch yourself. Go to bed, Ben.”
Dean was serious and Ben whined. “Dean…”
“You heard me. Goodnight, Ben.”
“I love you, Dean,” Ben whispered.
“You don’t love me, Ben. You love the idea of me, right now. The second you find someone else, you’ll be gone. Don’t say you love me. It’s cruel.”
He could hear the pain in Dean’s voice, and wished he was there, with him now. He wanted to comfort him, to tell Dean he was wrong about his feelings, but he knew it wouldn’t convey over the phone. He growled. “I wish I could come over. I wanna see you.”
“We have work tomorrow,” Dean declined, talking to him as if he were a child.
“I know,” he complained. “But, I wanna see you. I… If I’m not there, it’s not the same. I can’t talk to you the same.”
Dean didn’t say anything for a few breaths. Ben waited, but Dean didn’t say anything. “Dean, please, talk to me.”
“I…” He heard Dean take a deep breath. “Ben, I can’t do this.” He sounded frail.
Ben pursed his lips in frustration. “You keep saying that, but you’re doing it now.”
“You know what I mean,” Dean whined.
Ben took a deep breath, trying to think of an answer that Dean would actually hear. “Dean, let’s start this over.”
“Start what over? There’s nothing to start.”
Ben snorted. Dean was bahis şirketleri whining, and it was cute. “That’s perfect. Dean, can I ask you something personal?”
“DeLuca, you’re an idiot.”
“You keep saying that,” he agreed. “Can I?”
“You’re gonna ask if I say you can or not…”
“Yeah, probably.” He laughed, and he swore he heard Dean chuckle, too. “Dean, do you like me?”
“I don’t hate you,” Dean hedged.
“Yeah, but do you like me?” he pressed.
“DeLuca, you’re killing me.”
He laughed again, he finally understood something about Dean now, and it made a big difference. “You really do say that a lot.”
“Then maybe don’t do things that make me say it, yea?” Dean snapped, but it was defensive more than angry.
“Dean, you like me. I know you do. Tell me,” he pestered.
“Go to bed, Ben,” Dean said firmly. “Now.”
Ben laughed again. “Yes, sir,” he agreed. “One last thing, though?”
Dean groaned. “What, Ben?”
“Love you, Dean. Good night.”
Dean’s side was silent for a breath. “You’re an idiot,” he muttered, then hung up.
Due to last minute changes and his boss’s family spreading a stomach bug around at home, Ben was chosen to attend a conference four hours away. He was in a sour mood all day, and his blue balls weren’t helping anything. He’d be gone from Tuesday to Friday, basically ruining his one week with Dean. This stupid trip could ruin everything. He would have to spend the night packing and prepping to be gone for the week, and find someone to take care of his cat.
The cat would probably be fine, she could give a shit if Ben was there or not as long as there was food.
But, losing his week with Dean was what was killing him. He went over to Dean’s side of the building, not even caring about what that rumor would sound like, but Dean wasn’t there. The intern was, but he ignored him when he asked what Ben needed. He got caught up in assigning his work to others all day, and it was nearly the end of the day before he got a moment to himself.
He wished he knew Dean’s personal email address. He didn’t want to email his company email, it wouldn’t be professional, and he really, really didn’t want to put Dean in the position he found himself with Parker.
Had Dean really never done anything with Parker other than just talk? It gave him a sense of superiority like he hadn’t felt since his high school athlete days. He was special to Dean, he knew it.
But now he’d be gone, and there was no way he’d talk Dean into another week.
“Dammit,” he growled, erasing his sixth text message, longer than all the rest by double. Nothing he wrote sounded right, and the longer it was, the more needy he sounded. He cleaned his desk and left for the day, double checking he had all of the work he hadn’t been able to push to someone else with him, his laptop and its charger, and all the details about the hotel and conference registration. He’d called earlier to have it all changed into his name, but it would still somehow find a way to be a pain in the ass.
He called Dean the second he buckled his seatbelt, but there was no answer. He frowned, then drove home, frustrated and annoyed. The night didn’t get much better. He paced his apartment when he wasn’t throwing clothes into his suitcase, then tearing them out again to refold them so they didn’t get wrinkled.
Maybe he could get Dean to teach him to fold clothes…
He sent a series of text messages, each of them increasing in urgency. He called Dean again, but he didn’t answer. He went to bed feeling insecure, which was something he wasn’t used to feeling. He didn’t like it.
Dean texted him on his drive, but he couldn’t check it for forty eight miles to the next rest stop. Each mile piled pebbles of stress on him until he was almost pure emotional energy.
‘Got your messages. Drive safe.’
That was it?! ‘Can I have an extension on my week?’
He paced the sidewalk at the rest stop, waiting for Dean’s response. The sky was overcast, which somehow felt appropriate. The wind whipped by him, stealing his body heat. He should’ve worn his coat, but it was in the trunk with his suitcase.
‘Maybe if you’re a good boy.’ Dean’s response was both frustrating and exciting. He got another one before he sent the one he’d been typing. ‘Focus on your thing, I’ll contact you tonight. Don’t worry if you’re busy, work comes first. Do a good job.’
‘Will I get a reward if I do?’ He shouldn’t have sent it, but he did anyway.
His palms were sweaty as he waited, despite the cold wind. ‘We’ll see, won’t we?’
The day was long, his mind never far from Dean, despite how he tried to focus. Dean texted him during his shower, he was still dripping, towel around his waist, when he opened his text, one in the incognito chat. He noticed the rest of the log was empty, all their previous conversation gone.
Ben’s stress and worry disappeared instantly. ‘Nope. You?’
He dried off, then dropped the towel to the floor, shut off all the lights but the one next to the bed, then slid between the sheets. He wasn’t even gonna bother getting dressed, he knew he’d jerk it to Dean tonight one way or another. He hoped it’d be with Dean’s guidance.
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