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Now that I am in my early thirties …I find that I am saying things I don’t believe come out of my mouth. Like the phrase, “when I was your age ….” can come out before I have a chance to stop it if I am talking to someone from toddler on up to young adult. It is at those times I almost think I sound like my grandmother. But last Saturday afternoon, I started a conversation with Kate, 18 year old girl who is wonderfully beautiful both inside and out.
So, as you know, my writing is about my lesbian sexual fantasies and fantasies fulfilled. This story is about the latter……yes, YAY ME! I got laid again! … and my confidence in expressing my deeply in the closet lesbian sexuality is growing, perhaps, I admit, to a possibly dangerous and even self destructive level. Oh ..but when things happen, as they did with Kate …when I am willing in the ever dampening sheets and cultivating the orgasmic bliss with my fingers and twirling tongue, it is so worth it.
I have to say that as I have slowly transformed. When I think back to three years ago, I was the girl who took almost no chances to further my strong lesbian desires and libido. While I knew how badly I wanted what I wanted, affecting the family so much and my status in my small town should I get caught. I chronicled the metamorphosis on my blog known as A Lesbian Kiss 2 Desire, and I know that I am a new woman, and as it used to be when I was in my teens and early twenties and treated men as conquests, I believe I feel a bit of pride in conquest in my most recent experience ..not that it wasn’t a deep and erotic and meaningful lesbian connection between us both …or to take nothing away from it …but …the recent “If you want it go get it girl,” attitude towards approaching, and then, fucking a woman, is getting to be a bit …well…the word exhilarating doesn’t describe the feeling strongly enough …and thats just the description of everything BUT the sex …almost as if the mutually multi orgasmic sex was a sideshow. Trust me…one should NEVER diminish the importance and enjoyment of multi orgasmic lesbian sex ..and especially, when it is (yet again ..I know) someones first time, as it was with Kate …and while it was unfolding and happening, and since it happened, whatever it is about me and this need to express myself , I could not wait to find the time to write about the experience and how it made me feel, and how it has made me feel since.
Our small talk started at the wedding about the couple and the weather and how beautiful the day had turned out for the outdoor, lakeside wedding of a cousin of mine. I had known Kate since she was 14 or so as the daughter of the woman who married my uncle …we aren’t blood related, but have seen each other and gotten along in the past at family picnics and the like …but we certainly never had an extended, private conversation, nor did I ever have designs on her as a potential lover …but the way the day unfolded ..and perhaps helped by the wine that was flowing and the beauty of the day, gave me a window of opportunity that I don’t think, in the past, I would have attempted to go through. But given that I seem to have developed a taste for younger women in the past year or so, and just the fortunate series of events, Kate and I started the day barely knowing each other …and ended the night wiping tears of post orgasmic joy from each others eyes.
She is a full six inches shorter than me, and though she doesn’t have the the large breasts I carry from the extra weight and from childbirth, they were definitely in the buxom category, and while Kate carried a few extra pounds as did I, her smile would light up a room, and her dark eyes and jet black hair and her lip piercing gave her a sub goth quality that appealed to me alot on this Saturday afternoon …and I couldnt deny I wanted her from the start. Not a chance of getting her I would have thought, if I had thought to consider it, but I had no idea how the gods of fate would shine so favorably on my lesbian desires that day.
It was her teal dress that sooo complimented her fantastic shoulder length straight hair that was cut low enough, like many of the dresses women were wearing to the event, that tended to spill out the boobage when you leaned over, and when she leaned over standing over me, here came the boobage almost out, and as if I was a guy (talking to me giving off a vibe maybe?) she covered herself politely …but my eyes were riveted and I instinctively said “You don;t have to do that.” Maybe a bit too enthusiastically. “It’s just us girls….and you’ve got alot to show off there …and trust me, even if I was a guy, you “
It was just Kate and I talking there and she sat down with me with her drink, and we were talking about the guys she had been hanging out with and when a “whoop,” came from across the room, I asked her why she was so annoyed. She had PLENTY to say on the subject.
“Oh ..just my brother and his college friends over there calling the brides mom, and also Mrs. Dulaney, and for that matter, anything with cleavage a casino oyna MILF ….like the frickin invented the term. They must have said the word MILF ten times when I was over there (she rolled her eyes) and then giggling about it like they’re 12 or something….or like they’d have a chance of getting some.”
I confessed to her “Well , speaking as a MOM ..and a mom who got out my best push up bra and painted my nails bright red for the first time in more than a month and spending $112 for a dress I might wear maybe twice or three times at most …I’d wouldn’t be insulted at all to be called a MILF today by them or anyone else for that matter.”
“Well I wasn’t going to say anything …but yes …you’re push up bra and $112 dress was worth it cause they ….they …(she was holding back) ..lets just say they like you.”
“Really …I’m flattered…tell me what they said.”
“….oh just that…. …just nothing.”
“Not nothing …Kate …tell me NOW ….( laughed) …tell me now or I will…oh I don’t know ..I can’t tell your mom that you’re underage drinking like it’s telling on you, because I don’t think she gives a shit.”
“I’m not sure about that ..don’t tell her.”
“I wont …but tell me what the boys said about me ….please… pleeeeaaaaassse.” I pursuaded. “C’mon ..I’d tell you everything..>EVERTHING.”
She lowered her voice to just above a whisper,” OK…but you made me …don’t forget that if it pisses you off. They said …ummmm…they said you have the best blow job lips they’ve ever seen.”
“That’s what you wouldn’t tell me?” I answered a bit perplexed.
“well …yeah…thats ..that’s what they were saying….bunch of morons.”
“They don’t filter anything around you I guess …do they always say shit like that?
“And you aren’t?” I said.
“Yeah it’s not like you’re gonna screw him or …or do that…or anything ….or WOULD YOU?” she teased with a sense of humor that was also feigning innocence, which it was becoming ever more apparent, she was far from.
I bit down on my lips and thought about how to say it without saying it, and came up with “Kate …I wouldn’t rule out someone because of age …I mean …as long as we’re talking 18 or above.”
She gave me a fake but fun look of shock, “But Brenda …you’re MARRIED last I checked.”
“Yeah…maybe a wedding reception isn’t the place to talk about how wonderful that is,” I said very sarcastically.
“….ooh ..I’m sorry,” she said sympathetically, and I snapped with a smile ” Don’t be,” and shrugged my shoulders at her.
We were at a lull in the conversation, with me thinking how amazed the chemistry was between Kate and I, and her, seemingly searching for the right way to say something she was ready to ask me.
“ok ok…alright ..so if you were salaciously chasing one of those guys the …ummm…you know…”
“you don;t like to say the world blow job?” I teased.
” ok ok ..BLOW JOB for goodness sakes…are you happy? …if you were going to do it …which one of them would you choose.”
I took a deep breath and realized that I was really about say something that would be taking a pretty big chance at a family function, the ONE place I would think I absolutely would need to keep my lesbian life an absolute secret. But I am getting to a few more of those “what the hell” moments in my life ..and astoundingly, they seem to be working out. I just felt like I could trust her in that moment.
“Kate ..while I am completely flattered that those guys are picturing me that way…and dammit, I love to give head but…I didn’t bring my knee pads today,” I joked and she laughed, “…if I was looking for any of these younguns to go down on from here today …trust me ..it wouldn’t be any one of them.”
“OK ..well who?”
“I don;t know ….if you told anyone I’d probably have to kill you,” I joked.
“I won’t tell anyone,” she smiled, as if to remind me that a minute earlier I had told her I would indeed, tell her anything, and now was being called on that.
“Well lets see …that one has the best hair, and the DJ is obnoxious, but he’s cute …but …its not anyone of them.” She waited for my answer as I hesitated ….”but if I were to admit to you who I most wanted to go down on in this room ..I think you might be surprised.
“You’re 18 now aren’t you?”
“I didn’t mean to shock you…I’m not trying to seduce you….just being honest…you;re the most attractive girl here to me.”
“It doesn’t bother me…”
“Well I was hoping not ..I just figured you can take it as a compliment ….its about your beautiful hair and eyes …and if we hadn’t been getting along so well, I’d have never told you …and I trust you not to tell anyone I’m lesbian.”
“You mean bisexual don’t you?”
“It is pretty complicated…”
After some fidgeting by both of us …she told me, “I wont tell anyone I promise….and its cool..you’re the coolest ..most fun woman in this room…no canlı casino matter what.”
“You mean the most fun MILF with blow job lips in the room don’t you?” I flirted
“I was going to say with the $112 dollar dress and the push up bra, but if you want to BJ lips to be your compliment so be it,” she quipped, without missing a beat ..and the chemistry and back and forth flow continued. Wow it was exciting to talk with her, to admire her beauty, to feel the energy between us …I really felt something and just hoped that she did too.
“You know when I was your age,” I stated ..and there it was ..the statement that makes me like a grandma ….”I was trying to figure out the whole question of my sexuality….it was pretty hard but we don’t need to talk about that…it would take all night….and .” I would have about told her everything in the world if she would have listened to me, but at just that moment we were joined by a family member and were relegated to small talk again in a small group, and then when the DJ started playing a slow song, she went to dance with one of the ones who thought so highly of my pouty lips earlier.
I watched them dance while making small talk with another reception guest, trying to figure out if she was betraying me by gossiping my secret …but not seeing any reaction that would warrant that belief, I just stayed in shock in self disbelief that I had just actually come OUT to a young woman who knew half the people I knew in the crowd. I was simultaneously petrified that I had done irreversible damage to my life, and exhilarated that I had taken a chance and flirted with someone I could easily imagine responding to my every flick of my tongue and curl of my fingertip. I was bothered that we didn’t get to finish our conversation..that it had gone from an intimate one on one conversation that was admittedly getting a bit personal considering the circumstances, but then again, alcohol will do that ….but we just never got to a conclusion ..and there was the possibility that the conversation was going to just stay hanging there forever if we never found ourselves alone again …not just for that afternoon at the reception…but I was picturing ..forever. However, I reasoned ..that I had more or less put it out there that I was interested in her…and if there was mutual interest, I told myself, she would find her way to me, somehow and some way. It reminded me of the love notes of high school ..sending them and nervously waiting for the answer. I figured that there were about three possibilities…Either she’d reject me, she’d leave it as it was…just a casual , albeit, revealing conversation, or, in the best of all worlds, she would want to continue what we started.
When the slow dance ended, she glanced at me and smiled, and went about socializing with others on the other side of the ballroom. I was thankful for the eye contact and the smile and felt like it wasn’t a rejection at that point, because I wasn’t alone anyway. The best indication of how she felt about what I’d said and what we’d talked about came in the next half hour, when I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her, and she damn well noticed ..and kept noticing, and by the very nature of her continuing to check me out checking her out, told me that I was on her mind. Wonderful.
Then the DJ played an oldie …and the whole crowd did a “Love Train” dance around the room ….She was right behind me as my caboose, and we looked at each other laughing, half drunk, joking “I hate these stupid things,” …”yeah everyone does,” …”then why is everyone doing it?” ….”cause we are all idiots.” we laughed over the music. Yep, I thought to myself …I think she likes me. ..she isn’t afraid of what I said…maybe I have a chance. Hell, when there was a chance to make physical contact ..she SOUGHT ME OUT, and even, it seemed, and I hoped, TIMED her way to join me in that dance ….I was starting to really feel a rush of possibility.
I tried to socialize and mingle as I would anyway for the next hour as the reception died down, attempting to act as though she wasn’t the ONLY thing on my mind ..but it was damn near close to that …and all I wanted was at least ONE intimate moment with her ..just her and I …before she left …to wrap up loose ends. I would ordinarily not be the last one at an event like this, but I would have been the last one out the door if it meant getting just a smidge of face time with her and her gorgeous smile.
I was almost stalking her and that paid off when she went to the bathroom…I couldn’t get to the ladies room fast enough. When I got there , like winning the jackpot, we were by ourselves and her face lit up when I came in. “I was hoping you’d follow me here.” We made some small talk about the DJ and the funny moment when the bride was trying to dance and kept tripping over her dress ..a real youtube moment, and then I started to quickly talk in case our privacy was interrupted.
“You know…there was something really important I wanted to say out there and then everyone came up and kaçak casino I couldn’t,”
“and what was that?”
I was searching for the right thing to say ..and as I did that I was disarmed at the look she was giving me ..a combination of curiosity and shyness and I even sensed, submission.
And her gaze just lingered over me to make me feel like I could say anything. “I wasn’t making a lesbian pass at you …you know that don’t you?”
And she understood and reiterated again how much fun I was to talk to and then she made my day …my year…hell, for sexual purposes as far as one night stands go, she made my life.
“Bren …I was thinking about asking you if you had somewhere we could go….be alone …ummm…like…do you wanna go make out somewhere?”
For the next several minutes, my mind swimming, we were able to work out that she had not been with a girl before, that she had “always thought about it but it never came up until today,” and that we both seemed to have the rest of the evening free of any responsibilities. How perfect. “So when you say make out ..do you mean …I don’t mean to be too forward but …do you mean go somewhere and make out in the car ..or you want me to get a room and see what happens?”
“I’m ready for that,”
“Ready for the room or the car?”
She laughed coyly and came up with “How about lets go in your CAR and you can take me wherever you want.”
We kept the small talk, gathered what we had to and said goodbye to a few stragglers and I told her a parking lot to meet me at. She pulled up next to me and got in the car and in the car, we were silent for a minute before I said, “thank you for making my day…i cant believe how this is happening.
“Purreettty fast, ” she said..
“Probably too fast,” I replied and reached out to hold her hand. I scooted over and got to a facing her position leaning over preparing as both of us clearly knew with the gloves off at this time, to consummate this heat with a first kiss. I knew how meaningful a first lesbian kiss is ..I wanted to know her feelings through it ..and wanted to gauge how much farther it should go. A soft sweet, slooooow moving in before a gentle brush of the lips quickly turned into , completely initiated by her, a wide open mouth, tongue tangling, wet and juicy heads gyrating, second by second intensifying passionate confirmation. I was trying to keep it soft and ladylike but she was kissing me hard …and I mean, not ungentle, but with SEXUAL urgency. We made out in the parking lot for few minutes, but when a car came whizzing by I looked in her eyes and she said , “you wanna go get that room now?”
I couldn’t drive fast enough, nor make the arrangements quickly enough as she waited in the car. I was counting my blessings so much. It was a park at the door cheapie …and when we got out of the car, we clasped hands naturally on the way to the hotel room door. There was sooooooooo much heat between us. How wonderful it felt to know I was going to be in her in moments.
If I had a plan formulating, which I was learning, being with Kate meant not having a plan, I was probably going to slowly, seductively undress her, but when we got to the room, she walked over to a chair, put her purse down and slipped off her shoes and went right for her dress and it over her head . Ok …if thats the way she feels, I follow suit and in the matter of one minute we were naked before each other. I mean,…yea, I was hot for her too and I like a little more sensuality to start…in fact, I never went into something just stripping and going to it, but this was how she was doing it and frankly, didn’t ask me …and as excited as I was, I was willing to do this any way at all she wanted. I barely had time to admire her body, the sight of which gave me a head to toe zing ..that soooo sexual zing that in this case was combined with a tone of self doubting fear that my body 14 years her senior might scare her away, but sooner than I could think about that she dove onto the bed and got under the covers and said “I’m cold …hurry up.” I remembered diving into bed with a guy or two and using the same line, and yep ..I’d even done the strip and get in bed back at about when I was her age (there’s that phrase again) and I had to laugh. Sure, it wasn’t according to whatever script my mind had concocted, but clearly, the girl of my current dreams, and if i could crassly say, easily the most prominent sexual conquest I had ever imagined, beautiful as she was and a bit naive, was in bed …in bed waiting for ME. I’m thinking, like, just WHO is it rushing this along …shouldn’t it be me, the experienced one, the seducer, and not her? But as it is in sexual situations …just go with it and see what happens next . And at this point, I felt, what’s next could be anything.
I also have to reflect one more thought about that quick strip and dive in the bed. I am not a psychologist, but I could feel a bit of discomfort from her. I didn’t feel it was dread or regret, and i may never know exactly what it was. But, it was a definite emotion in the room and I have thought alot that the ” quick strip and dive into bed” was a reaction to her emotions and fears as much as anything. Sort of a “Let’s do this before I back out,” feeling.
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