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I sat on the couch in Sean’s house, my phone turned off and the doors locked. Sean had to leave and I wasn’t ready to go outside yet…at least not into the outside world. I had the TV unplugged and I was staring into the blank walls. I was mostly healed, my body didn’t ache anymore and the only thing that really still hurt, and probably always would, was my shoulder where they had dug a knife into my muscle. The doctor had to repair the tendons with synthetic ones and because of it, my right arm, while incredibly sore, was also a lot stronger than it ever had been. I had scars on my body but when I stood naked in front of the bathroom mirror and traced them with my fingertips, I didn’t feel disgusted. I was furious. I wanted blood, I wanted their blood like they had taken mine. I think Sean saw it in me too and that troubled me because he seemed to agree with my bloodlust. I couldn’t just go out and try to find them, I wasn’t nearly strong enough to take them on. I didn’t have the skills to do it either. I had only ever gotten into short scraps back in N. Ireland. I stood up from the couch and rummaged through the drawers in Sean’s kitchen until I found what I was looking for. I grabbed the cordless phone off of the cradle on the wall and dialed the number of the gym.
They picked up after the third ring.
“Yes, I’m calling t’ inquire whether or not you offered one on one, self defense classes?” I asked gently.
They did. They were expensive but money wasn’t a problem.
“Could I maybe sign up for one? Well, not just one…but several sessions.” I swallowed at the thought of going out, but I had to eventually.
They wanted to know if I was going to be alone or if someone else would be joining me. I didn’t doubt that Sean would want to go with me, but I wanted to this alone for awhile.
“No, I’ll be alone.” I listened as the woman started suggesting trainers. I stopped her quickly. “Can I maybe come in and explain why I want t’ take these classes and maybe meet someone that you suggest would help me?”
The woman was quiet but after a few moments, she told me to be at the gym in twenty minutes. I thanked her and hung up the phone. I walked over to my cell phone and turned it on. It rang as soon as I turned it on and my hands started to shake but I clenched my teeth and opened it.
“Hello?” I asked.
“Áine!” It was my mother and she sounded terrified but relieved. “Why haven’t you answered your phone for the past few weeks?”
Lie, Áine. I told myself.
“Oh, I accidentally dropped my phone in the pool and had t’ get a new one. I didn’t get one until today. I’m in the store right now. They just activated it.” I lied smoothly.
“Oh, thank god! I thought something horrible had happened.” My mother laughed lightly.
“No, everything is fine.” I smiled.
“Alright, well your father and I are having a great time and were just worried about you. We’ll call you later in the week, angel, okay?” She seemed distracted.
“Sure.” I muttered.
“Take care, darling.” She hung up the phone. I went into my phone preferences and changed all of my ringtones and deleted the one that had been on there. I felt better and I wrote Sean a note and stuck it on the door as I walked over to my house and packed a gym bag and dressed in jeans and a long sleeved shirt to cover the scars on my arms. I pulled out of my garage and drove down the gym and parked as close to the door as I could. I walked in wearing sunglasses with my hair down. I still had bruises on my face and tried to hide them as best as I could. I walked to the reception desk and introduced myself with a smile. Thankfully my ribs had completely healed already and didn’t pain me anymore as I breathed and moved.
“Hi, Áine.” The woman was young, and very pretty with a nice athletic build and brown eyes and brown hair. I took off my sunglasses and she gasped at the sight of my bruises. She stood, grabbed another person to man the front desk and guided me into an empty exercise room. “Does your boyfriend beat you?” She asked right off the bat with a bitter tone.
I laughed, “No. Sean’s the one person in the world who would ne’er lay a hand on me in anger.”
“Well alright.” She didn’t seem to believe me.
“Okay, I told you I needed t’ explain because it’s somewhat complicated and graphic.” I bit my bottom lip. This woman was a total stranger and I was about to tell her about my attack. I shook my head and steeled my nerves. “I was kidnapped about a month ago by four guys while I was at the beach. They grabbed me, threw me in their van and knocked me unconscious. I woke up with my mouth and wrists duct taped and tried to escape but they grabbed me, trussed me up so I couldn’t move and proceeded to torture and rape me.”
The woman’s face was horrified. I rolled up my sleeves, showing the scars marring my skin and waited for her to speak.
“I understand.” She murmured. “You want to be able to defend yourself.” The way that she said it ataşehir escort bayan told me that defense was the last thing on her mind. I started to like her.
“Exactly.” I clenched my fists at my sides. “I’m strong, but I don’t know how t’ fight.”
“Well, most of the trainers that we have are men. Is that okay?” She asked.
“Okay, well follow me and I’ll introduce them to you. You don’t have to explain what happened to everyone, but maybe keep your sleeves rolled up and sunglasses off for them to understand that you mean business.” She gestured to my arms.
“That’s fine.” I followed her around as she grabbed the trainers that also offered self defense classes. They didn’t really look at me until they were all gathered in the same empty exercise room that the receptionist and I had been talking in, and they looked at each other realizing what all of them had in common: they all taught self defense. Then they all looked at me. It made me a little uncomfortable being with so many well built and strong men in the same room but I could tell by the looks in their eyes that they were mad at my scars. The receptionist quickly explained what I needed and then she stopped talking and just stood in the background while each of the men introduced themselves.
“Hey there, my name is John.” A large black guy with a genuine and sweet smile introduced himself, shaking my small hand. He was the biggest of the group and all muscle. I smiled.
“Áine.” I nodded. The next guy was Hispanic and much shorter than John but just as muscled. His eyes were kind but he didn’t seem to smile much. His introduced himself as Manny. Eric was pale and taller than Manny but shorter by an inch than John. He shook my hand gently. He had a quiet and gentle voice as well as a lithe and sinuous body that wasn’t as bulky as the other two, but I didn’t doubt that he was just as strong. The last guy was black as well and taller than John, but not as burly. He was the quietest and simply said his name when we shook hands, which was Anthony. He was looked at my scars with a sad expression. His skin was lighter than John’s and his eyes were a soft, pale green. His hair was buzzed and his hands were gentle but very strong.
“So why do you want to take self defense classes, Áine?” Manny asked.
“I just need to be able to defend myself. I don’t want t’ get hurt again.” I muttered, wrapping my arms around myself. They all nodded except for Anthony. He was simply watching me carefully. I glanced at him but said nothing as I looked at the other three again as they seemed to all be thinking. I was the least comfortable around Manny because his build and skin tone was frightfully similar to Andy’s.
Finally, Anthony spoke without prompting, “Áine, it looks like you’ve been through hell. I’d like to offer to train you, if that isn’t too forward.”
I looked at him in surprise as did the rest of the guys. It must not have been common for Anthony to offer his services. I nodded, “Alright. I’d appreciate that.”
John, Manny, and Eric shook my hand again and took their leave as did the receptionist with a gentle and friendly pat on my right shoulder. I winced a little as she hit my wound directly but smiled and thanked her for her help. Anthony’s demeanor didn’t change as we stood and stared at each other. Then his frosty exterior seemed to melt away. His smile wasn’t big but it was understanding and genuine.
“Let’s go sit down and talk.” He nodded towards the mats behind him and walked over there. I followed and sat down gingerly, favoring my right shoulder.
“Alright, so you want to learn how to defend yourself. I get that. What I don’t get, is how you got all those scars. If I’m going to help you, you need to tell me what happened. That way we can avoid any possible triggers for your PTSD.” Anthony’s green eyes bore into mine. I looked away.
“How did you know that I have PTSD?” I muttered.
“The way you hold yourself, and the way you were always watching Manny. It’s in your eyes. You were terrified of him.” Anthony was sitting with his knees bent with his elbows resting against his kneecaps, hands dangling in open space. He was very relaxed. “Well, not Manny personally, but what he defines. Manny is a super good guy, you don’t have to worry about him, but I’m guessing someone Hispanic did this to you?”
“Yeah. Four guys, actually.” I drew my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my shins. “I was um…” Why was it so much harder to explain this to a guy than the receptionist?
“Relax, Áine. No one here is going to hurt you. Especially me.” Anthony smiled.
“They raped me.” I blurted out and Anthony didn’t seem surprised.
“I suspected that much.” Anthony sighed unhappily. “Did you go to the police?”
“Haha.” My laughter was cynic. “My boyfriend, Sean, found me when the guys dumped me off at the beach. I was unconscious, so this is just what he told me. I woke up, after passing out escort kadıköy while they were raping me and cutting me, in a hospital room. So naturally, the police were involved.”
“So they did that?” Anthony pointed to the scars on my arms.
“Yeah, and every other scar on my body.” I muttered darkly.
“What other injuries did you suffer? I’m asking only to be careful in our training.” Anthony assured me.
I nodded, “I had a punctured lung from one of five broken ribs, lacerations all over my body, dislocated tendons in my left shoulder, a dislocated right shoulder with torn and lacerated tendons from a knife being dug into my shoulder. They had to replace several tendons with synthetic ones so my right shoulder is still a little sore but those are the major injuries.”
Anthony sighed and looked down at the ground. “It must have been brutal.”
“They sent pictures to my boyfriend last week. The police tried to dust them for fingerprints but they couldn’t find any. All the faces, save mine, had been cut out.” I muttered. Anthony’s eyes went wide.
“They took pictures?” He frowned angrily.
“I still can’t hear the sound of a camera without triggering an episode.” I shuddered. “I’m trying t’ get better but this is the first time I’ve been out of my boyfriend’s house.”
“Does he know that you’re here?” Anthony asked gently.
“I left a note.”
“You didn’t call him?” He asked curiously.
I shook my head, “Can’t. I can’t bring myself t’ hear his voice over a phone.”
“What happened?” Anthony didn’t miss a beat.
“Sean called my cell phone while they were raping me, then Andy held the phone up t’ my ear and let me ‘talk’ t’ Sean while two guys…well…” I trailed off. “You could imagine.”
Anthony shook his head, “Well you’re taking the best step forward, Áine. I noticed that you brought a gym bag with you. Naturally, we’ll take it easy the first few times but if you want, we can start now.”
I smiled, “I’d like that.”
I changed in the bathroom into workout pants and a tank top. I didn’t like how much of my scars were exposed, but I needed to get used to showing my skin again. Thankfully, the only really bad scars were on my wrists, right shoulder, and ankles. The others were starting to fade. I laced up my sneakers and entered the same exercise room where Anthony was setting up mats on the floor and getting sparring equipment ready. I helped him drag the mats out and once that was done, our first hour session started. Anthony had me get into a sparring helmet and sparring gloves. His demeanor was different again, he was like steel now. He stood in font of me and held his arms out, spread eagle, his eyes hard as he looked at me.
“Hit me.” He demanded. I squared my shoulders and threw a hard right into his gut but before my fist hit him, he was gone. His hand was steel encasing my wrist briefly and then I was stumbling forward onto my knees on the soft mats. My hands shook against the mats and I started breathing hard, knowing that I was about to loose it.
“Get up!” Anthony yelled at me from behind, startling me out of my episode before I even went into it. I stood up, my legs shaking and looked at him fearfully. He was mad. He stalked forward and shoved me roughly, making me stumble back. I thought he said we would take it easy! Anthony glared at me, “If you’re afraid, you’re dead.”
He shoved me again and I stumbled back, barely staying on my feet. “You’re dead, Áine!”
I started to get mad and he shoved me harder this time, spilling me onto my back on the mats. He stood over me, “Are you going to let yourself get raped again, Áine?!”
With a furious yell, I launched off the mats and tackled him. Fury rolled through me as I straddled his waist and punched him. Anthony didn’t let me get a hit in; he kept blocking my punches expertly. He threw me off of him and I landed on my right side, mainly on my right shoulder. I gasped and curled into a ball as my shoulder exploded in pain. Anthony didn’t help me. He simply watched me. By the time I could breathe again, he was shaking his head with a disgusted look. I glared at him.
“By the time you manage to pull yourself off of the ground, you’re already tied up again and they are inside you.” Anthony snapped. “You have to learn to fight the pain. Learn to block out the pain. Pain is your enemy and your ally. Bring pain upon your attacker until they go down.”
I felt myself start to cry but Anthony didn’t seem fazed. He held his arms out again, staring me down and demanded, “Hit me.”
I shut the door to my car and then the garage door as I walked into my house. My body hurt all over again, my shoulder was throbbing and no matter how hard I tried to block out the pain, it demanded to be noticed. I walked outside onto my lanai and stood on the edge of the pool, watching the water undulate as it was stirred by the waterfall. With bostancı escort a deep breath, I let myself fall into the pool, clothes and all and sank to the bottom. The cold water felt divine on my skin and I stayed under until my lungs started to burn and was about to come back up when the water-mirror above me shattered suddenly and I screamed but choked on water as hands grabbed me and pulled me up to the surface. I was gagging and coughing on the water in my lungs and I punched Sean in the chest as he set me down on the stone lanai.
“What the hell were you thinking, Áine?!” Sean growled, anger and fear shining in his eyes.
“I was just coming up for air!” I coughed with a glare at him. “I wasn’t drowning myself but you nearly did!”
I finally got all the water out of my lungs and with a ragged sigh I fell back on the stones, looking up at the bright sky. Sean groaned and lay down next to me with a chuckle. “Forgive me if I’m a little…protective of you.”
I chuckled, “You’re forgiven.”
“You seem better.” Sean said gently.
“I’m getting there.” I closed my eyes. “I went t’ the gym.”
“I got your note.” Sean’s fingers closed around mine as we lay there in the sun.
“Sorry if I worried you.” I muttered.
“What were you doing at the gym?” Sean asked.
“I was taking a self defense class with a personal trainer.”
“Oh really?” Sean seemed happy. I suppose for good reason. For the past month, whether in the hospital or at his house, I had been lifeless and I suppose he was glad to see that I was starting to live again. Even if my intentions for taking that self defense class were more than just to defend myself. I wanted to learn how to kill a man, but I could never let Sean know. It was bad enough that I had no qualms about killing another human being, I couldn’t stand to see Sean’s disappointment too.
“It seemed like a good idea.” I groaned, “Until now.”
Sean laughed, “Well it’s good to see you alive again, Áine. I missed you.”
“Anthony is my trainer. He’s a really good guy.” I remarked, “He doesn’t take any bullshit. He’s helping me get over my PTSD too…in his own little way I think.”
“I should come with you next time, see what you’re doing.” Sean suggested. I smiled.
“Anthony wouldn’t like it if you interfered.” I grinned, “He’s a bit of a hard ass.”
“You won’t even know I’m there.” Sean’s fingers lightly traced up my bare arm; lovingly caressing the scars on my wrists. I could tell that he was trying so hard to make me happy but to keep me from having another episode but something that Anthony had said and physically reinforced, over and over again, seemed to be keeping my panic at bay. If I was afraid, I was dead. I didn’t want to be dead, especially around Sean. After all, I couldn’t be afraid of men my entire life; I had to learn that while all men were not to be trusted, it wasn’t fair to not even give them a chance. Besides, Sean had been there for me, done everything for me and we had only known each other a few days before my attack. I didn’t know how to explain it, but around Sean, I felt safe, I felt loved.
“I want to know that you’re there. I want to know that you’re with me.” I opened my eyes and leaned on one elbow over Sean. He looked up at me with hopeful eyes. I ran a hand down his chest. “I love you Sean, I want to be with you.”
Sean burst into a grin at my words, “You are the perfect woman, Áine. Did you know that?”
His words melted my heart. No one had called me perfect before. Hell, I haven’t even thought of myself as perfect. “If I’m perfect then you must be divine, Sean.”
He laughed, I loved the sound of his laughter: deep and rich and genuine. I knew that I was completely healed from my ordeal, if not for a sore shoulder and a few lingering scars and bruises, and a familiar yearning that I hadn’t felt since before the attack filled me. My heart started racing as I looked into Sean’s eyes, my lips parted ever so slightly as I looked at his lips. Sean leaned up and very slowly cupped my cheek in his hand and kissed me. I kissed him back, caressing his tongue with my own gently and slowly pulled away. His eyes were hot as he looked at me and I knew what I wanted.
“Sean…” I whispered roughly, “I want you.”
“Áine?” Sean frowned, looking at me carefully. “Are you sure?”
“I need you, Sean.” I whimpered and slid my hand down to brush against his hardening cock. Sean wet his lips with his tongue and his breath shook as I easily unbuttoned his jeans and eased the zipper of his fly down. Sean’s large hand grabbed my wrist gently but sternly. I looked back up at him and saw the uncertainty in his eyes. He was worried about me. I was sitting here stroking his cock, and Sean had the self control to be worried about me. I was amazed.
“Áine, are you okay to be doing this? Are you healed?” Sean asked, holding me still. My pussy was throbbing with need and surprisingly, I wasn’t even close to having a PTSD episode. I was getting stronger.
“Sean. I’m fine. I went t’ the doctor’s Monday and he said I’m completely healed.” I assured him a little breathlessly. “And the only episode I’m going t’ have is one of frustration if you don’t take those damn pants off.”
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