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“Her name was Ann and I’ll be damned if I recall her face.” Well, not really. I still see that cute button nose, that smile, those eyes… Those brown eyes, they were voted prettiest in the class.
She was everything a boy would want in a girl. She was very pretty, feminine and smart; President of our National Honor Society and graduated third in our class. She was fun and when she smiled, everything was somehow brighter. She would laugh and tease and just be perfect. WAY out of my league.
It was the last semester of our senior year of high school. I was just a farm boy. My Dad figured out how to keep a teen aged son out of trouble. His solution was to keep me so damned busy that I would be too tired to find it. The result was a pretty good kid. The only guy I knew that worked harder than me was my buddy Jeff. His parents ran a dairy farm. Those ladies needed feed and a milking twice a day and Jeff was the one who did the lions share. My advice to everyone out there…don’t get tied down with live stock. I digress.
I think that because I was always busy, I was probably a little more serious than other kids my age. I did volunteer work. I used my ‘days off’ to grocery shop for my Grandmother. I felt distant to the people my age, as they didn’t seem to have a care in the world and when I would look at my class mates and how they behaved when they dated, I always felt like I had nothing in common with them. This was especially true when they would be going through a break-up after only two months of ‘undying love’ for one another. I decided when I was in my early teens, that for me, ‘love’ would mean something.
My parents were both conservative people. They came from humble beginnings and did very well for themselves. They were not the type to sit me down and have a ‘talk’ with. They would suggest things and then let these things stew in my head. I remember when I was little and was rubbing my crotch one day…because it was hard and it itched, my Mother said “Go wash your hands, that is where you pee from and it’s not that clean.” She wasn’t scolding me; she just said I needed to clean up. From that day on, I never touched myself there, except for hygiene reasons. My ‘Sex Ed’ was two words from Dad…”Be careful.” It was enough to keep me on the straight and narrow.
I was in a social studies class with Ann. She had moved to our district at the beginning of our senior year but this was the first time that I had met her. She was a city girl. We sat next to each other and quickly became friends. I know I may not come off as being refined or polished, but I was not an ignorant kid. I think she saw that in me. I think she gave me a chance and saw I was more than just a hayseed.
Eventually, she would flirt and I would miss it. I have always been shy and I laugh at myself now because I still don’t know when a woman is showing interest or just being nice. Finally one day she said “I, um…am mildly suggesting that maybe we could spend some time together away from school.” I tried to be cool but I was really excited. I had never been on a date before and I really liked this girl, so of course I said “yes.” After class that day I was on cloud nine. She was so cute and sweet and he liked me…this was cool.
The first time she and I went out was a double date with her older brother and his fiancé’. I guess Ann’s Dad wanted her brother to check me out, to make sure I was good enough for his little girl. Needless to say, not a whole lot happened that night and I got nice, sweet, simple kiss at the door that night. Now, this was fine for me, as it was the first time I’d kissed a girl since the fourth grade and I knew a little bit more, this time around.
Monday in class she and I are sitting there copying down our assignment. She waited patiently for me to write down what I was supposed to do. In my head it already sounded like too much effort and it was becoming clear to me this would be yet another assignment that I would fail…since I wasn’t going to do it. I finished and she taped me on my left shoulder.
I looked at her and she had this little smile on her face. Like she was just having a grand time. She pulled me closer and whispered “I went easy on you Saturday. Can we go out again this weekend?”
I looked at her and probably blushed. “I’d love to Bostancı Escort go out again”; was all I could manage. She winked at me but then got a little serious and said, “Good. I really want to spend some alone time with you.”
I reached out and took her hand and squeezed it. “I want that too, Ann.” I replied and I think that was the first time I said anything that made sense since she asked me out, the week before.
The week crawled. The last semester before being done with this non-sense. I hated school. It was like going to jail every morning. I was so much happier being outdoors…even working in the fields on the worst day was better than the best day in class…except this class. This is where Ann would make me feel like I wasn’t wasting my life away.
Friday arrived and Ann and I were going out. We went and saw a movie with Allen King in it. The movie sucked but afterwards we parked. That night we kissed passionately. I’d never felt this way before and my jeans were bursting with the internal pressure. She straddled me and we dry humped each other. It was more than I could have imagined. It wasn’t crude, it was gentle and the closeness I felt was like nothing my soul had ever experienced before. I couldn’t kiss her deeply enough….I wanted so badly to feel her skin…to let my hands feel her softness. I wanted to hold her so tight, that I would pass through her and turn around and do it again. She was everything that I was not. Soft and smooth, not coarse and clumsy. Her voice was so light and sweet, mine was so hoarse. She smelt so good and her hair was like corn silk. Even her little sighs and the way she hugged me back made me understand that I was blessed to be a man and to be getting the better deal in this matter of sex.
I dropped her off and would have died happy that night. I could not then. Or not even now, as I write this, describe how Ann made me feel that night.
The next morning I was out mowing the lawn and my Mom called me in to the phone. It was Ann. “Good morning!” She said, with the rays of sunshine just pouring through the phone. I looked at the clock…it was 11:30 and I’d been working for 4 hours already.
“Good morning.” I replied…half smiling because I knew she had just gotten up.
“I wanted you to know, that last night wasn’t enough for me. I want more.” She said.
I was giddy. I felt exactly the same way…or I thought I did. “Me too.” I said.
Then she asked “Are you busy tonight?” I asked her to hang on and asked Mom if anything was planned for the night…with a green light, I told Ann I would pick her up at 6.
I was early…by about five minutes, which meant I was really a half hour early and so her Dad decided to get to know me a little better. We spent some time in the garage. He was changing the oil in his car and I offered to pull the filter off, since it was a bit hard for him to squeeze in under the motor. I think right then he decided I was okay. He gave Ann twenty dollars and told her to buy me dinner that night.
After dinner we parked…it was perfect. Cool evening, almost a full moon and we looked down over the lake. The moon’s light danced on the surface of the water…we held hands and talked for a long time. She was going off to college. I was enlisting the following week and planning to depart in September. We both knew this was just a page in our life’s stories but at this moment, it was only one page for both of us. Soon the cuddling became kissing…then the kissing became the groping that two people share when it just isn’t enough to hold one another. You know what I mean.
I still don’t know how it happened but at some point in time, we were nude and in each other’s arms. I felt her warm silkiness. I literally thanked God for this. I was so lost in her. I had no thoughts but her. My cock was so hard. I rubbed it against her and we kissed and moaned.
After a while, I reached a threshold at which I could not fathom the depths of this and I panicked for fear of losing my soul to her, right then. I left her arms and sat up to collect my thoughts. “What’s wrong?” she asked. I almost laughed at the absurdity.
“Nothing is wrong, Ann. This is perfect.” She curled up in my lap and let me hold her as I just allowed myself to drown in the moment. Soon Anadolu Yakası Escort her kisses returned to my lips. These were longer, smoldering kisses. Not the crushing passionate kisses from earlier. These were tender but full of feeling. The kind that melt ones heart. But soon, too soon, they left my lips and found my chest. I was powerless, she had me in a spell and I was enthralled.
Then, I felt it. Her mouth was on my cock. She took me deep and without any hesitation. Her tongue was stroking the shaft as she tried to milk the cum out of me. I was in disbelief. I had gotten over the hygiene issues long before but truth be told, I had NEVER experienced a climax before except during normal nocturnal emission. I had never masturbated. This was something so new to me… I was in way over my head and had no idea where I was going. Her head moved up and down on me and I thought my heart would leap out of my throat. I let her go for a few minutes. I had no idea where this was going and I panicked. “No, Ann…Please stop.” She stopped and looked up at me.
“Was I hurting you?” she asked so sweetly with concern.
This time a slight laugh emitted from my lips. “No, no. This is wonderful; perfect, but I have never …I mean. I’m not ready, I don’t think.”
She lied in my arms and after a time she asked. “Can you do me?” I didn’t even think.
I said “Yes.”
The next hour I was lost in her. Her pussy tasted so wonderful. She taught me just how to lick her. How to finger her. How to touch her. I couldn’t get enough of her juices. My tongue could not invade her deeply enough to satiate my desire to drink her in to me. I licked and nibbled and sucked as if everything in my life was nothing except this moment, this sweet girl and her wonderful pussy. Ann came twice for me that night and I was so happy she did.
I could smell her on my breath as I drove home and loved it but realized I couldn’t walk in to my parent’s house like that… It would have been very obvious. I stopped off and got a burger and a root beer and reflected on what happened. I couldn’t believe it. Three weeks before I hadn’t even kissed a woman and now, here I am getting my cock sucked and eating the sweetest pussy. Still my cock was swollen and begging for the attention it was getting earlier and I didn’t know how to help my ‘little guy’ out.
Monday morning Ann met me in the parking lot at school. I was getting out of my car when she came up to me and kissed me deeply. I held her and she looked at me with those eyes. Lord in heaven, I still see those eyes when I close mine. “I went too easy on you Saturday night.”
I smiled. “Thank you so much. It was perfect”
She got that little smile and jumped in to my car. “We’re ditching first hour…we need to talk.” she called out to me from the passenger seat. I hopped back in…Since my first hour was study hall, I figured a 55th absence from it wouldn’t hurt my permanent record much.
As I sat down, she tucked her legs up underneath herself and leaned over to kiss me some more. During a break I asked “What do we need to talk about?” She pulled back and pondered.
“The other night, you said you weren’t ready. Is it me?” She asked.
I panicked…how could I have left her with that impression? I pulled her close…”Lord, no Ann. It was wonderful. It was perfect, it’s just that I’ve never been that close before. I didn’t know what was happening.”
She looked at me and then got it. “You mean you have never cum before?”
I looked at her and said “No, never”
She looked at me for a long moment. She kissed me and hugged me and said “You’re so sweet.” We continued to hold one another and kiss as the rising sun warmed us up. Bob Seger was on the radio singing ‘Beautiful loser.” It was utopia… Then, we got caught by a counselor who was just showing up at work. We got shooed off to class and later that day, in class, Ann and I held hands the whole time. It was wonderful. She whispered to me.” Friday night, okay?”
I squeezed her hand and said “Okay.” It was one of the best days of my life.
Friday night came. It wasn’t even dark yet and I thought we would go to a show or get dinner but Ann had other plans. We were kids. It was only natural for us to find ourselves in our youth, Pendik Escort trying to find our way. She asked me to find a quiet spot…so I took her to my house. My Mom and Dad had taken my little sister to a movie, so I knew we would be alone. We lied back on my bed…holding hands. She spoke “Eric. Please honey, I want you to just lie back and no matter what, don’t stop me. Please. I will not hurt you. Just let it happen. I want to make you as happy as you made me.” Again the eyes…she was almost pleading for me to let her please me. As if somehow, it would validate her as a woman. She didn’t have to. She had my heart and she was perfect to me. I lied back. She opened my jeans and of course, being 18 I was ready. She took me deeply again. Sucking me with her warm, wet mouth; milking me with her soft hand. I watched as she loved me. She had her beautiful eyes closed…as if she was as lost in me at that moment; the same way I was lost in her the week prior. I watched as long as I could until the pure physical joy that was welling up inside of me would not allow it and I surrendered to it…lying back closing my eyes.
She stayed with me…my mind was racing. Instinctively, I held back…being so close for so long. I could think of nothing but her and her beautiful mouth sucking me… loving me in such a selfless way. I kept my promise and did not stop her. Of course the inevitable happened and my body released the thick warm evidence of my love. I felt as though a quart of my soul was leaving me, and my little Ann stayed with it, swallowing it all. In retrospect, her 18 year old mouth had to be so full of me. My load had to be thick and copious. She buckled down and didn’t waste a drop. I was amazed by this. I fully expected her to pull away and I would not have thought less of her for it. Later she told me that her older, female cousin told her: ‘A girl who doesn’t swallow her man’s cum doesn’t deserve to enjoy his cock.’ Those words haunt me to this day.
I know this wasn’t intercourse, but I always think of it as my first time. I had never climaxed before and my first time was in a warm, loving and willing mouth. It was perfect. In some ways, Ann spoiled me. To this day, her words haunt me and if a woman refuses to swallow my sperm, I let her go. I won’t settle for less. It might seem selfish, but I’ll do all I can to help my partner and I love the taste of a woman. Shouldn’t a woman love the taste of a man?
As the summer wore on, I guess Ann got bored with me and she found someone else. By summers end, she was off to college and shortly thereafter, I left for boot camp. Our breakup was not exactly clean. I was crushed. And like a sap, to this day, a part of my heart still belongs to her. I saw her once about a year later when I was home on leave. I was just stopping by to see her Dad, as we had become friends. (Of course if he knew what his little girl and I were up to, I wouldn’t be here writing this 25 years later.) I stepped in to the house, and there was my little Ann. Still pretty and sweet. I had grown about 3 inches and towered over her. We hugged and laughed. We even wrote for a while and then she announced her engagement. I felt it would be wrong for me to continue writing and so I said my good byes.
I found out about eight years later Ann passed away, leaving two children and a husband who loved her. She wasn’t thirty yet. It was so sad. As I type this, I feel for her little ones and her husband. I try to remind myself that we all have a time but I find little comfort in it. She was a wonderful woman and I’m sure she was an awesome Mom.
Since that time I have excelled in my professional life. I am a good father to three wonderful kids. The one area of my life that has been a complete failure has been in the matters of the heart. I haven’t had a relationship yet, in which I found happiness for more than a year or two. I have had two bitter divorces. I no longer trust my own judgment and I am now fearful of never being able to love in a romantic way, ever again. I suppose that destiny is not for this life.
Tonight, as I have done countless times in the past, I will close my eyes to sleep and I might see her eyes looking in to mine. As she once did, when she cared for me and perhaps even felt love for me too. I will remind myself of what I have come to trust… that she waits on the other side. Not to be mine again but to be my friend and to help me discover what is out there in eternity. I trust she waits to help me learn what is out there, just as she helped me cross a threshold in this life.
Good night Ann. I love you.
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