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Following two accounts of encounters with Jola, it is now my task to tell her story. Which I learned during post-orgasmic interludes, in a mixture of three languages. I will deliver my version as if spoken by her in English only. A note for Classical scholars: I am imagining that as Jola and her cousin looked so alike they were, to some extent, narcissists; but I am also treating them as transwoman, so alluding to the male Narcissus is not appropriate and each is, thus, Narcissa, plural Narcissae. ‘J’ in Polish is pronounced as ‘Y.’ ‘Sz’ is ‘sh.’
I was born, and christened Jan, in 1987, in a village in South-East Poland, just before the Soviet Union lost its grip on my country and the whole political, economic and social situation changed. Including in ways that would enable me to discover my own nature.
Though healthy and energetic, I was always small for my age, and by the time I was twelve, thanks to my lack of height and physique I looked more like a pre-pubescent girl than a boy. Of course, as time passed, I didn’t develop breasts, as my female classmates did, but my rounded bottom and lack of facial hair meant that I rather resembled a late-developing girl.
Although I had played games with them, my male companions began to treat me as if I were no longer one of them Understandable, because while they grew tall and muscular and sprouted beard, I remained much the same, as though I failed to manifest the usual secondary sexual characteristics. So although I did grow a little pubic hair my penis remained small, and some boys remarked on this when we showered.
Unknown to them, however, small though it was, it was not altogether lacking, for from thirteen onwards I was a frequent masturbator. My little cock readily erected and squirted large quantities of filmy liquid, yielding me much pleasure.
At the same time I experienced a curious mixture of feelings about sex. I wanted to see, to watch, boys shoot their sperm, to let me bring them off, to have them make me come. I also longed to see, caress, lick girls’ breasts, to have girls make me come. To have breasts myself. To have both ejaculating penis and prominent bosom.
In a rural area of Poland, I was, I realised, unusual, someone whose sexual nature did not fit the usual pattern. Which might have occasioned me anxiety and shame. But, for some reason, I held to the belief that there were other people like me, whom I could eventually meet, and embrace, with relief and mutual satisfaction.
I was intelligent and a good student, so I matriculated, aged nineteen, at the university in the nearest large town. And it was decided that as it was too far to commute, I would stay with an aunt and uncle who lived in the suburbs. Which brought me into the closest possible contact with my cousin, Katarzyna – Kasza. She had also matriculated, so we had an immediate student-friend. More important, she had, in female form, mirrored my own development, or lack of it. For she had only the most negligible breasts, never menstruated, and grown only a small, soft wisp of pubic hair. Being the same size and shape, dressed in sweater and jeans we looked like twins.
But we differed in sexual experience, for Kasza, the town-girl, had experimented a good deal, mainly with boys, who were only too glad to have her toss them off, which she relished. She had also had one or two adventures with girls, thanks to her direct approach.
She was able to get her hand into their knickers before they were fully aware of her intentions, and some of them responded, sometimes for the first time, to skilful manipulations of their virgin clitorises. Those who were aware of their lesbianism were easier to seduce.
Both her parents and mine had never troubled to seek medical advice about our strange maturation, reckoning, I think, that such conditions were owing to divine providence, and, anyway, nothing to be concerned about, as they might change as we got older.
Since I have indicated intimate knowledge of Kasza’s body, you will have deduced that we were, indeed, intimate, and thanks to her directness, immediately. Our first explorations began the third night I was lodging there. The apartment was on two floors, so that aunt and uncle and the kitchen, bathroom and sitting-room were on one, and there were two bedrooms above. Kasza had always had one, the other being intended for the sibling who never arrived.
Kasza had given me some intense looks during my early hours with her family, and when we travelled to, and were at, the university, so I was not altogether surprised when, soon after we had retired, and I was reading in bed, my door opened and she walked in, clad in a short cotton nightdress.
She walked the four paces to my bedside, took the book out of my hands, whipped the garment off over her head, and stripped back the bedclothes. ‘So, dear cousin,’ she said, ‘Let’s have a look at you.’ [Here is where an inflected language offers clues missing in English, for Kasza said ‘droga anadolu yakası escort kuzynka,’ ‘dear female cousin,’ suggesting she was not masculine in gender. She used female forms from then on, in private, anyway].
In order to facilitate masturbation, I usually wore only a pyjama jacket, in the pocket of which I kept the handkerchief in which I caught my ejaculate. So I was naked from the waist down, but, to my surprise, I was not at all shocked by her bold actions. ‘Sweet,’ she said, ‘But not so innocent, I suspect. I think I can have some fun with that. Does it go hard? Let’s see.’ She turned and showed me her bottom. ‘If you like girls, you ought to like this. I don’t have much tit but I’ve got plenty of dupka [bum].’
This was true. Her bottom was large and shapely, like mine, and the sight of it, and the highly charged atmosphere, stiffened my little organ in short order. Which, as she turned back, she greeted with amusement and pleasure. ‘Oh, yes, that’s good. Does it shoot? No, don’t tell me, I’ll try it. Move over,’ and she lay beside me and took it in her fingers. ‘Suck my nipples,’ she commanded, ‘The tits are small but the tips work fine.’
They were, in fact, quite large, as if her breasts had developed them without then proceeding to grow the supporting bosom, and it was so exciting to take one in my lips, my first experience of this, and to feel it extend and harden against my tongue.
‘Oh, yes,’ she said, ‘Lovely. I don’t often get this, and I’ll go over in a minute. Just keep on. Can you go over soon? Yes, I think you will.’
I had been so busy with her nipples that I had half forgotten about my own arousal. Now I registered that she knew what she was doing with her thumb and first two fingers. They were rolling my foreskin back and forth over the shoulders of my penis, and I was loving that someone else was doing this for me, and that my orgasm was not far away.
Kasza liked to keep up a running commentary during sex, which was the more exciting in its rather matter-of-fact language and tone. ‘I do like the feel of a cock in my fingers. So nice when it stiffens up just before it spurts. I love to see it spurt. I’m lucky, because I can climax just from the nipples. I’ll teach you about the pussy later.’
My own climax was approaching, and, because of the novelty and tremendous arousal, my hips were bucking with that instinctive movement Nature prompts one to make, to drive into a vagina or anus, or welcome a penis. ‘Oh,’ she said, ‘That’s good. Yours is coming. So is mine. Oh, yes, let go now!’
My fluid jetted into the air, as she clutched my head against her chest and shook for a long time, while the orgasm raged through both our systems. This was my first awareness that an orgasm shared is an orgasm doubled.
‘What a lot,’ she said, ‘I’ve never seen that much before. Its more milk than cream, isn’t it? How can you do that much, your balls aren’t very big.’
For the first time since she had entered the room, I spoke. ‘It feels like my whole body makes it. It seems to come from everywhere.’
‘You can talk, then,’ she said. ‘Did you like it when it happened to me?’
‘I loved it,’ I said, ‘I’ve never done it with anyone else before.’
‘I knew that when you first arrived. And I was pretty sure you’d be ready for it. You’re like me, just wanting sex all the time. We’re going to be good together, and I can help you find out what kinds of sex you really want.’
‘I don’t know much,’ I said, ‘Except that I can usually do it two or three times.’
‘Oh, that’s good. Most boys can only do it once and have to wait a while. I’m like that, too. I can go several times. So, move over and I’ll show you my lechtaczka and cipa [clitoris and cunt].’
She lay down and parted her knees. ‘I’m like you. I’ve not grown up all the way. You see, I don’t have much hair. Most women have a lot of it, and some of them shave some or all of it, though my mother doesn’t. My cipa lips are not so fleshy, either. My slit looks like a little girl’s. The inside lips hardly show, but if I open the outer ones you can see my slot. There’s my vagina. See? And there’s my lechtaczka. It’s tight inside my vagina. I’ve never let a boy into it, because I’ve been a bit frightened, but I’ve got an idea about that now. Anyway, it’s my lechtaczka I want you to lick. That’s what takes me over best. D’you want to try it?’
I certainly did. The sight of that delicious, held-open vulva was making me near-faint with desire. My cock had never subsided and was now rampant.
‘Then I’ll suck you off,’ she said, ‘That’ll be another first, won’t it?’
Of course, I was soon lying between her legs, my lips deeply kissing those inner labia, my tongue lapping up and down the crease, savouring that indescribable taste, compounded of ammonia, salt, and iron. The clitoris was small, smaller I learned from later experience, than most women’s, but it functioned just fine. It hardened like a ataşehir escort tiny bud, and vagina-juice leaked into that delicious crease, and I lapped it up.
She was soon talking again. ‘Press harder with the tongue. Can you get your hand under my bottom? Yes, like that. See if you can put a finger inside. Gently! That’s right. Move it a little in and out. Yes, yes, that’s it. It’s on the way. Oh, I love it, I love, that feeling. It’s starting it! It’s here!’
Her bottom thrashed about, gripping tight, and wrenching at, my finger. She gurgled and chortled with the pleasure, eventually telling me, ‘You’re going to be good at sex, I can see. Now I’m going to suck you off.’
She wriggled down the bed to bring her face to my pubis. ‘Turn on your side, so I can stroke your bottom. I think you’re a bottomy person [dupkowa – again feminine], like me. I love my own. I get excited looking at it in the mirror, and often bring myself off like that. Yours is good, too, it’s like a girl’s.’
She began to smooth my cheeks, running her nails across them and caressing them with long, feathery strokes, and I was half-way to coming before she put her lips to my cock and slowly took it into her mouth, swirling it with her tongue. She then made her lips into a tube, which she used to suck me in and let me out a little way. The sensation was not only new but so inflammatory that I was about to come in a few seconds. ‘It’s coming!’ I said, ‘Oh, it’s coming,’ and she spread her hand across my bum and pressed me towards her face, making ‘mmm’ noises, which had to stop when my fluid flooded her mouth and she gulped to swallow it, again and again.
‘Now we are cousin-lovers [kuzynki-kochanki] and lover-cousins ‘kochanki-kuzynki],’ she said eventually. ‘We have drunk each other’s wine, and that is something new and special for me. And tomorrow we’re going to do something else new and special. But now I want to see you squirt out again, and I want to climax into your hand. So kneel beside me, cheeks touching. Yes, like that. Now reach behind me and slide your hand through my legs, so it is holding my lips and your finger is reaching forward to my lechtaczka. Good. And I reach over to hold your cock, like this. We’re ready.;
She took up the loose skin of my foreskin and drew it back and forth, exposing and enclosing my glanslet, and I tweaked her clitoris with my finger as she gripped my wrist between the cheeks.
‘Tell me,’ she commanded, ‘Tell me when yours is coming. Is it coming? I think it is. Mine’s coming. Make it come. I’m making you come.’
‘It’s coming,’ I told her. ‘Come now, Kasza!’
As I came, she took my cock-tip into her palm to catch my semen, and for the second time we shared orgasms. After that we slept in each other’s arms.
The next night I was naturally eager to learn what we were going to do that was new and special, and as soon as we had bidden her parents Good-night and mounted the stairs to our rooms we were naked together on my bed.
‘I told you I had never had a boy in my vagina,’ she said. ‘I was afraid it would be too big, and would hurt. But yours is not so big, no bigger than a finger, and I want it inside me. I want you to fill me with your sperm. I think I could come when I felt you come. Will you?’
I was so overcome with longing, gratitude and anticipation that I could only nod.
‘We could do it front or back,’ she said in her matter-of-fact way. ‘What do you think?’
I found my voice. ‘From the back I could stroke your bottom. From the front I could touch your nipples.’
‘We’ll do it both ways,’ she said. ‘I think it may be easier front ways the first time.’
She lay down on her back, spread her legs and smiled at me encouragingly. ‘Don’t be frightened,’ she said. ‘I won’t eat you.’
‘I don’t want to hurt you,’ I said.
‘There’s no hymen in there,’ she said, ‘Too many fingers have been up there for that.’
Reassured, I eased down on her, and she took my cock in her hand and drew it gently towards her opening. ‘It’s quite slippery in there,’ she said, ‘Just go in slowly,’ and my tip nestled into her inner lips, which was so exciting in feeling, and realisation of what we were doing, that I nearly ejaculated immediately. It was one of those occasions when your consciousness of sexual activity is a major part of the excitation, and she shared this awareness.
I said, ‘We’re really doing it. This is really how you do it, isn’t it?’
Poised in her vestibule, I reached forward to snag her nipples and tweaked and pinched.
‘Go in now,’ she bade me. ‘Go into me.’
And I slipped carefully in, again almost ejaculating from the bliss of that warm, wet enclosing. She even moved her bottom towards me to help. ‘It’s all right,’ she said, ‘Go all the way. It’s going further than the fingers, but it’s good. Does it feel good?’
‘It is the most wonderful feeling in the world,’ I said.
‘Lean back so I can touch my ümraniye escort lechtaczka,’ she said, ‘Are you all inside?’
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘I’m inside you, Kasza, inside you. It’s the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me.’
‘Yes,’ she said, ‘It’s beautiful, and I want you to come. Don’t wait for me. I may come, but I just want to feel you come. Come now, kochanko.’
What then happened was, indeed, a peak moment in my life. We were gazing deep into each other’s eyes, soul to soul, and without any further moment the climax surged through me, as if she was infusing it into me with her vagina, whence it was spreading through my body. And I was pouring my essence into her, so that we were conjoined in an orgasm of physical, emotional and spiritual fulfilment.
Kasza the talker was silent. Her eyes told me everything, and I knew that mine spoke my adoration. We were, are, now linked for life. To this day, when she is living in Germany, happily married with three children.
That night, without speech or further activity, we slept in each other’s arms.
Naturally, the next night we had to try the rear entry, and it was delightful for us both, especially as I could reach round one cheek and touch her clitoris with one hand and stroke the other cheek with my other hand. In fact we were able to come twice without my withdrawal.
But the important point was that we had somehow taken a step, and from then on we began to have sex with others, without in any way detracting from our devotion to each other.
These departures were made possible by the university vacations, because her parents were at work during the day, and I stayed on, rather than going home, to study and use the libraries. For we were committed and hard-working students, she studying German and I English, with the added benefit that we were picking up those languages from each other. Often we made love in two or three languages, when neither of us was engaged with someone else.
She was, is, bisexual, and after our second semester she seemed to be focused on women, though over the course of the year she brought back only three. While I had only one liaison, which was with someone resembling me.
His name was Zbigniew, usually abbreviated to Zbyszek, but with intimates this was Zbyszka, because, like me, s-he felt herself to be as much female as male. We had recognised each other across the lecture-theatre, knew ourselves to be allied in our physicality and mentality. And when I brought her to the apartment, Kasza understood at once, shared coffee with us, tacitly giving us her blessing, and then went out, so that we could go to my bedroom.
We sat on my bed, needing to talk, to reassure each other that we shared the same desires and were in no danger of hurting each other, agreeing that either party could terminate the business at any time. We understood that we would be not only pleasuring each other, but further investigating our natures and the possibilities open to such as we.
Slowly we undressed each other, delighted with our similarities, for though she was a few centimetres taller than me her physique was much the same. She actually had larger nipples, cresting plump areas of chest resembling breasts, and her bottom was magnificent. Bigger than mine in all dimensions.
We were amused to find that we were wearing women’s panties, had been since our early teens. And moved almost to tears to observe the tenting of the material over our erections, before we reverently removed each other’s knickers to admire bottom and study cock.
Her cock was larger, perhaps ten centimetres to my eight, and thicker. We gazed a long time, thigh against thigh, at our penises, a little shy of touching each other, or asking what each other’s capabilities were. Then we turned to embrace and began a long, deep kiss, relishing the touch of flesh on flesh and the mutual prodding of our cocks. We gently rocked our pelvises to rub them against each other. We stroked each other’s bottoms, without breaking the kiss.
Finally, we separated enough for her to say, ‘Can you come?’
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘I come a lot. Can you come?’
‘Oh, yes, but I’ve never come with someone else. Have you?’
‘With Kasza, yes, but never with another cock.’
She said, ‘I’ve so longed to make someone come. Can I make you come?’
‘I want that so much, and I want to make you come. Let’s kneel on my bed.’
‘Shall we do it together?’ she asked.
‘Yes. Let’s come together.’
Mutual masturbation can be a little awkward, with the forearms having to cross, but we had no difficulty. We were in no hurry, savouring each stroke of the fingers, pulsing the loose skin over the glans, squeezing that specially sensitive area just below the shoulders.
‘Is it coming?’ she asked.
‘Yes. Is yours?’
We realised we had another hand and crossed wrists to smooth bottoms.
‘Here it comes,’ she said.
I’m coming,’ I said.
‘Oh, look!’ she gasped, as our tools hardened and jetted. ‘Look!’
Of course, I was looking, and the sight of her spurts gave me such joy.
We both wept as we turned and embraced, shaking and gasping.
Then we lay down together and began to talk again. She said, ‘You’ve been inside a woman? What was it like?’
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