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(Author’s note: I’m extremely sorry to those who were waiting for the second part. I’d intended to release this much sooner but things had gotten complicated in my life and I had to put this on hold. I feel like this may be a little short, but I really wanted to finish this story. Sorry again and hope you enjoy.)
The lobby doors clicked shut behind me as I walked out onto the busy downtown streets. I was quiet and without a single thought in my mind except for one: Joanna. All the marks and scars on my sore body pulsated from the thought of her. My silly heart heaved and the tips of my fingers felt tingly. She wasn’t a little girl anymore, that was well and long established before I stepped foot out here into the real world. I couldn’t play stupid to that fact any longer or to the surreptitious feelings for Joanna I hadn’t yet figured out myself.
But as one obstacle falls another arises. Despite my newfound feelings, I knew that a foreboding storm yet unseen was now roaming just over the horizon and I feared the type of aftermath it would leave in the wake of my path. Whether it mattered or not, Joanna was a family friend, and the baby of that family at that. I highly doubted our relationship or whatever it was would go over easy with anyone.
By the time I came home, I thought I’d get the chance to really sort through everything that’d happened. But the devil likes to tease us in life and give us no rest, and as I drove up the driveway and caught a glimpse of a familiar figure standing on the porch, I knew that at the moment, I must’ve been dangling between his forefinger and thumb above a fiery pit. It was aunt Angie and she waved gleefully when she saw me.
“Oh, Esther, your mom said you’d be home so I thought I’d just drop you off some desserts I made. Cherry and Key Lime pie. I forgot which one was your favorite, but it’s been six years so I can get a little clemency, right?” She laughed.
I ambled toward her and emitted a small laugh of my own, albeit a nervous one. “Key Lime. Thank you, aunt Angie. I’m sorry if you waited long, I didn’t know you were coming over. My mom should’ve let me know.” I pulled out my phone and, of course, there were several text messages from her about this visit.
I raised both my hands and gave her a sheepish smile; feeling a bit stupid and sorry. “Aaand she did let me know. Sorry, aunt Angie.”
She waved her hand lightly in front of her face. “Oh nonsense, girl. I was only here for a few minutes. If you’re so sorry, why don’t we go inside and try these bad boys?”
I obliged her and she set out the pies on the small table in the kitchen and began to slice a piece for the both of us. I took a bite after thanking her and sighed in toothsome pleasure. It’d been a long time since I’d had any of her desserts. It was like I was 10, sitting at her dinner table with Kim and Joanna all over again.
“Oh my god. It’s delicious. I forgot how much I missed your cooking.” I praised as I took another eager bite.
Aunt Angie laughed and then sighed; looking at me with a sense of nostalgia. “Watching you eat reminds me of when you and my two girls were still just children. I miss those days. Kim was always such a brat but I always knew I could rely on you to tame her a bit. I would’ve stolen you under your mom’s nose if I could!” We both laughed at her joke. “I know Joanna would’ve loved the idea, at least. She was so attached to you, wasn’t she?”
I smiled weakly and looked down at the table.
“I was worried for her for awhile there,” aunt Angie continued, “I mean, I knew she would hit her rebellious stage like Kim, but, it was different with her. Of course, I don’t blame anything on you. You were going through so much back then, too. But, I’d never seen her cry so hard than when you left. It broke my heart, seeing my little girl like that. So, I can’t thank you enough for coming back. Even if you didn’t mean to, you’ve made all of us so happy again.” The sweet and earnest smile she gave me then shattered my composure and I leaned in and hugged her so tightly she could hardly breath as she chuckled.
“Oh, gosh, girl! No need for that, I’m just telling the truth!” She had to pry me off of her for me to relent and I couldn’t help but giggle. My love for this woman would always be forever whole and immeasurable. “Kim told me Joanna went to school today,” she carried on, “I think I have you to thank for for that, as well. I can already see that things are going to be ok with her, now. Really, Esther, thank you.”
“Please, don’t thank me.” When those words came out of my mouth, I really did mean it in a way that was humbling and genuinely touched, but at the same time, she really shouldn’t have been thanking me. I was torn hiding this secret with Joanna from her and the guilt only burrowed itself more as I thought about the questionable feelings I had for her daughter. Would aunt Angie be screaming at me to leave instead if she found out? It hurt to think so.
“Well, I porno izle should get going,” she said as she got up and gathered her things, “tell your mother that we need another girls night sometime soon! Maybe you could come along with us one of these days, yeah?”
“Maybe, aunt Angie,” I chuckled. I watched as she drove off down the street and felt the silence consume me once more. The uneasy bundle of nerves had returned. I’d already made my decision when I kissed Joanna back. I’d made peace with the consequences, but even so, I’d never felt more scared of an uncertain void than the one that concerned the reactions of our families.
A couple of hours had passed when I suddenly got a text. It was from Joanna, asking me to pick her up from school. At first, I was perplexed as to how she even got my number in the first place, but knowing her, it wouldn’t have been hard. She most likely got it during our time together last night. Despite everything that I was currently dealing with, I wanted to see her again, so I grabbed my keys and left the house.
Pulling up to the school, I parked near the gates of the front entrance. Students were already coming out, pooling out onto the streets and sidewalk. It’d been a long time since I’d been to a high school and early memories flirted with me as I searched for Joanna. A text from her popped up and I glanced down at my phone. She couldn’t find me and wanted me to wait for her outside, so, after a sigh, I unbuckled myself and walked around onto the sidewalk.
I leant against the sleek silver frame of my car and waited. All my life, I was never oblivious to the way I looked to other people. Being tall, slender, and of mixed race, I’d always turned a lot of heads growing up. Standing there then, with my arms crossed and my head tilted, people were all but staring.
Male and female students alike looked me up and down as they exited the front gate and fathers ogled me at the reproachful glaring eyes of their wives. It was a bit uncomfortable but nothing I wasn’t used to, and oddly enough, I had a feeling that Joanna had asked this of me on purpose.
Finally, I saw her. She looked dangerously beautiful in the navy blue long sleeve crop top and tight jeans she was wearing and I was fully aware of how disconcerting that was of me to think so. Her eyes met mine and she separated from her friends. Swiftly, she made her way towards me and I made a move to open the passenger door for her, but didn’t even get to reach for the handle when she draped her arms over my neck and kissed me.
She leaned into me and I had to hold her as she tiptoed. Quickly, I parted from her lips and scolded her in a hushed tone. “What are you doing? Did you forget where we are?”
“Sorry,” she said breathily, “you just looked so good.”
It didn’t matter, people were already staring, some in shock others in blatant arousal. I quickly opened the car door for her and she stepped in before I got in myself and drove to the intersection.
It was quiet as I made my way down the busy road, none of us saying a thing. I had a million things I had to say myself, but figured I should take it easy and start off with the first thing that was on my mind. I’d had enough of her recklessness and lack of respect. “You can’t just do that in public with me. Forget people finding out, I’m not ready for that kind of exposure. Do you understand?”
“Were you always so unsure about yourself? I said I was sorry, I just wanted to show you off a little.” She rolled her eyes.
“Yes, actually. I am. About this whole thing. You’re forgetting that I’ve known you my whole life and now all of a sudden, you’re in love with me? Not to mention our age difference. And what we did last night…I’m still trying to process everything.”
She mumbled something which I didn’t catch. “What?”
“I said it isn’t sudden. I’ve always been in love with you, you just never noticed. How could you when all you saw me as was a kid sister?” She paused and stared out the window, “Do you know what it feels like to be so scared of a feeling that everyone says is a sick disease? People like me are disgusting and vile, that’s all I hear. When you left, it was like the only other person who would accept me for who I was had abandoned me. I know it wasn’t something you could control, but still, I had no one left.”
I watched the road in silence as her confession sinked in. I had no idea she’d struggled alone so tremendously with her sexuality, and at a young and uncertain age as well. I glanced over at her but she wouldn’t look at me.
“Your parents love you, you know? You could’ve trusted them.”
But she shook her head. “Dad had made a comment about gays being all wrong in the head. His traditional values wouldn’t bend just because his daughter likes girls. And mom…I didn’t know how she’d react.”
It was true that Gerald was old fashioned. He expected a normal life for his girls in the course of education, marriage, and kids. Aunt amatör porno Angie was more open minded, but I was sure she probably expected the same out of her daughters. It was unfortunate and sad that Joanna had felt she couldn’t confide in even them.
“You’ve never told Kim?” I tentatively asked.
There was a long silence before she answered. “No, I didn’t want to get into it with her. Knowing her, she’d ask who my first crush was and I could never explain how I was in love with her best friend. I didn’t want her to think I was disgusting, too.”
“So what is this, then? All this bravado? You’re not really making any attempts to be discrete.” I asked.
Finally, she glanced over at me, her head tilted back, “I’m tired of living a lie.”
I sucked in a breath and sighed. There was too much I didn’t know about Joanna. She was fighting her own demons and although that didn’t give her an excuse, it did put her in a new perspective. “Can you just promise me one thing? Be nice to your parents, will you? They love you more than anything. Don’t take it for granted.”
She slumped back in her seat. “Yes, ma’am.”
Suddenly, it was April. Three months had passed since I’d come back. In the meantime, I’d gotten into the habit of dropping off and picking up Joanna from school. At first, at her request, but then down the line I realized it was much easier to convince her to go when she had no other choice with me.
One night, Joanna was over and we were in the living room as usual. I’d wanted to take things slow with her and that’d translated well over the course of the months. Mom had gone out with aunt Angie to one of their girl’s night so we had the whole house to ourselves. It was a funny thing whenever I had her over. I always felt like I was 16 all over again. The whole concept of having someone over when you shouldn’t have. It was both exhilarating and ridiculous.
We were on the couch watching a movie in the dim light. I was immersed, but much could be said about Joanna. She was rolling her thumbs in small gentle circles across my forearms; distracting me. And her dainty toes were playing with mine.
“This movie’s a bore.” She mumbled.
“Shush, you’re gonna miss the best part.”
She was quiet again, but seconds later, I felt her left foot glide up my calf and then down again to rest atop my foot. Then she reached down to adjust the hem of her shorts, but in doing so, brushed her fingers across my open thigh.
“You’re being distracting.” I chided, my voice barely above a whisper.
“Because this movie isn’t stimulating enough.” She turned to look at me and I gulped. “Do you remember when you’d let me sit in your lap? You’d wrap your arms around me just like this and hold me so close. You were like a giant to me – a goddess. It was the closest I could ever get to you without revealing anything about myself. And now you expect me to sit still? It’s unfair.”
Her eyes bore into mine as she turned her whole body to crawl above me. My breath quickened as I felt her tight thighs press against the sides of my waist. She leaned down and I closed my eyes thinking she was going to kiss me, but after a few seconds, I opened them again to find her hovering inches above my nose.
“Are you still toiling away with your doubts about us?” Her eyes were steady.
I hesitated with my answer, because yes, I was. It didn’t matter that months had gone and passed, this was still new to me and I hadn’t yet wrapped my head around the idea that I liked her more than what was socially acceptable.
“I wished it was simple, Joanna. But it’s not. This is complicated, and you said it yourself, our families are another mystery. Besides,” I furrowed my brows, “did you think everything would just fall in place because you’d kissed me and confessed? It was in that order too by the way, which was a bit discourteous of you. What if I’d said no?”
“You wouldn’t have,” she said matter-of-factly, “I’m sorry if I came on too strongly, I just…missed you. And I was still angry so I was taking it out on you. But you wouldn’t have said no. I knew that the moment I kissed you – how you felt about me. You forget that I know you too, and you’ve always been like this. Hiding your true feelings.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I said.
“I know you never told Olivia about how you really felt when she split up with your dad. You didn’t say a thing, even though it must’ve hurt you inside.”
My throat went dry and it was hard to swallow. Had I really been so obvious to her? She was right. When my parents went through their divorce, I’d pretended I was fine so that they wouldn’t feel guilty. I didn’t want to force them into staying in something they didn’t want to stay in anymore. Especially out of guilt. I turned my eyes away in embarrassment and bitterness of the memory.
“You probably thought you were doing your parents a favor, and you probably did, because they’ve moved on without anal porno regrets,” Joanna continued, except her eyes were softer now and she carried a gentleness to her voice, “But what about you? You may have everyone else fooled, but you’ve always been doing things for other people’s sake. I just want you to be honest, even if it meant you’d said no to me and meant it. Then I would have gone away, if that was what you wanted.”
I watched her curiously. There was nothing I could add or detract from the truth she spoke. It both amazed and embarrassed me how transparent I’d been to her.
She leaned down and kissed me and I met her lips with mine. It was like a yearning ache I didn’t know I missed whenever she kissed me and all I could do was melt into it. She gripped the arm of the couch behind my head and rubbed my thigh as we kissed and I ran my hands along her slender back. My fingers didn’t touch her though; only hovering ever so slightly. Occasionally, I’d bump along her skin as I remained my stance but I was still afraid to touch her, even at that moment.
I felt her nimble fingers leave my thigh and crawl towards the front of my jeans. My breaths quickened as she fumbled with my snap and zipper. I closed my eyes and tucked in my chin as I felt her warm hand slip underneath my jeans and panties and snake its way towards my throbbing clit.
Her fingers were skillful and poised as she strummed me to a slow and sensual rhythm. A moan escaped my lips as I held onto her, but I could already feel the tell-tale pleasures of my orgasm rising. She rubbed the walls of my soaking pussy and flicked across my clit in tease. Unconsciously, I drew my middle finger down her spine and dipped it into the crevice of her ass cheeks; gripping the plump peach mounds as I rounded her behind.
Just on the verge of cumming, however, my phone rang, breaking my trance. I blinked my eyes open and sat up out of panic. Joanna scooted back, clearly annoyed by the timing. I reached for my phone on the counter top, fully aware that we’d just been in the middle of some very heavy petting and I was picking up my phone, but I didn’t want to miss it if it was mom. Sometimes her nights with Angie would get too wild and she’d end up needing me to pick her up.
I glanced at the caller ID and realized it was Kim that was calling. A blush formed on my cheeks and I sat up from the couch, suddenly embarrassed that I was here with Joanna. I hurried off down a hallway to take the call, gesturing at Joanna that it was her sister. She just slumped back into the couch and licked away at the tips of her glistening fingers in displeasure.
I had to calm down and sound somewhat normal before I answered Kim, and that’s exactly what I did as I took a breath and hit the answer button. Hearing her peppy and snarky voice, I listened as she spoke about some upcoming exhibition. The more I listened, the more I realized it was the exhibition she’d mentioned when I first came back to Michigan.
It was all she’d talked about for months, so I knew the date was coming soon. The one about sex, or something. It was finally finished according to her and was set to launch a couple of days from now. She was inviting me to come for the opening day, free of charge, as her guest.
I nodded, trying to fast-forward the conversation, but only after hearing about how her and her boyfriend were doing recently was I able to wish her well and hang up the phone. I was still so jittery. Was Joanna really worth all this secrecy?
I glanced back down the hallway and watched as the young girl absentmindedly looked on at the movie. She was beautiful. Her red hair cascaded down her back in soft brush strokes and her ivory skin all but glowed against the TV’s illuminance. She was more than meets the eye. Sometimes, it felt like she knew me more than I knew myself, and that both frightened and comforted me. No one compared to her, at least no one I’d ever met. But even so, was she worth it?
Like I’d promised, I’d ended up going to Kim’s exhibition a couple of days later. It was everything I’d expected it to be and more. High-profile, expensive, artsy, and beautifully sexual. Joanna was with me as well. Kim had jokingly invited her as a way to celebrate her little sister’s ascension from childhood to adulthood.
And so there we were, in elegant cocktail dresses, observing all the vagina and penis sculptures and paintings. One was particularly humorous and I stared at it in amusement with Joanna on my arm. It was a sculpture of a man with a penis for a head. Suddenly, I felt a pat on my shoulder and turned around to see Kim.
“I see you two made it. Is it just me or have you guys been inseparable, lately?” Kim asked as she eyed us amusingly.
“We just came together. Gerald wasn’t exactly thrilled about this one, remember? You think he’d allow his baby girl to come?” I said which caused her to laugh.
“That old man’s always been a stick in the mud. So, what do you guys think?” Kim asked.
“Good job, sis.” Joanna responded with a tilt of her head. Kim grinned and shrugged.
I glanced at Joanna’s soft and almost stoic expression and smiled at Kim. “You weren’t kidding when you said you went all out. It’s amazing.”
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